It's a new year...and I'm a failure...

That's kind of a oxymoron of a title, but I promise you it is positive.  I look back on 2013 and I was in many senses a failure, but that's ok.  We all are at some point and as long as we learn something and are stronger in the end then life is making us better.  I have learned that I can be my own worst enemy.  I need to stop giving up on my dreams, and I need to be more realistic.  So, as I start 2014, I have many less tangible goals.  I hate intangible goals because then how can I asses them come December 31?  It's simple, keep moving forward.  By the way, I realize it's January 2, but who starts resolutions on a holiday?  Not me!  I consider January 2nd my first day.
So, what do I want to do this year?  First, I want to realize a healthier me.  It's starting with a WHOLE 30 this month, and moving toward not having such a diabolical relationship with food.  I use food for many reasons other than nourishment and I want a better and less reliant relationship with food.  I want to understand it for the only purpose it has, and that is nourishment.  I don't need it to socialize, to console myself, or to distract myself.  Whew!  That's a big goal, but I have been down this road before and I think I can do it.
Second, I am going to continue my education toward becoming a PA.  That may diverge into other roads, but I know I want a career in the health field, and I need to stop stalling here in my current job.
Third, I want to be a better me.  It can look different through out the year, but each week, 52 of them, I am going to do a challenge.  It should be fun and keep things interesting!  This week's is to meal plan for the month :)!  Fun, right?  Maybe not, but I'll have something else to do next week :)

I like the idea of a new year.  I know 80% of people don't stick to their resolutions, but January 1, or 2 in my book, starts us all afresh mentally and gives us a reason to keep TRYING to be better.  And just because 80% fail, does that mean that the other 20% shouldn't try?  Nope!  We all should try and I am going to give it my best!
Cheers to another healthy and happy year :)!

Accountability

I am not a very good accountability partner for myself.   Grrr, that's frustrating.  So, here we are 11 months down the road.  Eleven.  That is a failure if I could ever describe one.  But, I have a confession that I have been avoiding it.  Like I said, I emotionally wasn't in a good place.  I am not as depressed as I was and I have some exciting things I am working on.  So, chalk one up to the positive column.  I am starting this again, because I don't believe in New Year's resolutions.  I believe in every changing goals.  My goal in these winter months is to get back down to a size 4.  It's happenin' baby!!!  I just need to figure out how to make it happen.  I need to figure out how to be accountable.  Try number one (well really it`s like try number 11, but who's counting): Take pictures of everything that goes in my mouth.  EVERYTHING?? As Lana would say...yuuuuup.  Eww, I hate when I have super not fun accountability ideas.  Here's to trying.  I also am notoriously starting in the middle of the week!  It makes me feel more accomplished by the end of the week.  So, for the next 5 days I am going to take a picture of all nourishment that passes my lips, except water and chapstick, because I can't document that stuff.
Cheers to my camera being my new accountability partner for now!

Week 2/3

Hmmm, so week one went ok.  I guess it was only 5 days, but I accomplished all my goals!  Surprisingly, the hardest was not watching TV for a whole day.  That's terrible.  I am shamed it's that hard.  In one of the books I am reading, I read a section last night that suggests in order for us to be happy we need to practice discipline.  Quite the proposal, but the more I thought about it it made complete and resounding sense.  So, I have decided this blog will be my accountability blog for myself.  I want to set goals, that I will do my best disciplining myself to accomplish them and record my journey here.

After week one, came week two, and I'll be honest while I didn't completely flop on my face, I made quite the effort to.  I watched way to much TV.  I didn't get a whole lot done, and I ate out three or four times.  Darn it!  I did however start to paint my office and took down the wall paper.  I will also note, I didn't blog or set any goal for the week.  Do you think that's where I went wrong!?  Bingo!!!

I am going to set goals weekly.  They are so much easier to stick to, and even if they are longer goals, I am going to reiterate them and report on them weekly.  Whew! Now at least I know kind of where I am headed...

This week I am not going to watch any TV.  What!??  Wait, you can't be serious!  Oh, but I am.  After all, it's only a week.  So, what am I going to do with my free time?  I'm glad you asked.  I am going to seriously pick up my house.  I am going to continue working on painting my office.  Side note: it was ALL mint green. By all I mean ceiling, trim, walls, doors, you name it.  Ugh, it makes me grumpy and I am changing it.  In the mean time the mint green makes the grey color I picked look like purple.  Also don't like.  So with all my free time I can make it look perdy.  Also, I am going to eat paleo for 4 weeks.  It won't be that hard except I have decided to seriously up the ante   I won't be eating nightshades, and I will REALLY try not to eat very many starchy vegetables.  In essence I might be starving myself, but with this one-week-at-a-time bit I can change it after a couple weeks I seem to be failing on all cylinders.  I will be going to church this week (might have to be Sunday, but since I don't think I'll blog until Monday, let's consider my weeks going Monday through Sunday).  Lastly, I am going to not do personal things on work time.  That's going to be a rough one as well, but I think I will do my best!

Whew, I believe that's 1,2,3,4,5 goals.  Its a lot, but gotta set my sights on the stars, baby.

See you in a week!

A better me today

I am starting this for me.  Not because I am selfish, but I just want to start this for myself because I am at a place that if I don't start taking care of myself, I won't ever be able to take care of anyone else.  I honestly don't know where I am at, but it's not good, I am not healthy, and I am not doing better every day.  So, here I am wanting a new and better today than yesterday.  This is where I am starting.  I am going to use this place to create a better me in order to be better for others and do better for those I care about in my life.  It's not about physical, mental, or spiritual health... it's about all of the above and I know I need work in all of these areas.  I am not even sure which one I am going to start with, but I am going to start somewhere.
So, how about a goal in each category each week.  This week I am only going to eat out once- starting tomorrow because I already had lunch at Wendy's.  Oops.  One night I am not going to watch ANY TV.  I know this sounds ridiculous, but again this is about me and I am really starting from the beginning. Lastly, I am going to go to church on Saturday at 5:00pm.  Whew!  I can do it and it's going to be for a better life overall.